…this can’t be it

This Cant Be It - The Purpose Of LifeYears ago when I was doing my undergrad, I was so pumped about my studies (IDS + Poli Sci) that I couldn’t wait to graduate and put my freshly acquired skills to the test in the real world. All I wanted at the time was to land a 9-5 job and work very hard for one or two companies until I retire.

I’ve set goals for as long as I can remember (3mth plans, 1yr goals, 5yr plans…heck, I have goals for where I’d like to see myself in 20 years). And I’ve always worked hard to get to where I want to be. I just never thought I’d feel blasé about it once I actually got there.

I lived in South Korea for two years (no, that wasn’t actually part of any of my plans or goals. It was a spontaneous decision out of boredom, an insatiable urge for ‘something different’ and the possibility of finding ‘something more’). Life after Korea though was overly planned (which went like this: move back to Canada, go back to school for post grad, start a career) and my plans have landed me exactly where I wanted. Along the way, I also celebrated being a married woman, buying my first home and getting my driver’s license (and buying my first car at almost 30 years of age).  To top it off, I have a great job (to say I actually love my profession/job would be an understatement) and work for an organization that makes a big difference in people’s lives every second of every day, and best of all, I work with some of Edmonton’s most awesome women and mAn in Communications/Public Relations/Graphic Design.

Up until just a few years ago, I still wanted my routine 9-5 type of job and lifestyle. But not so much these days. I love my job and my active lifestyle and everything else in between. Still…this can’t be it.

When I talk about pulling a stunt like The Monk Who Sold His Ferrari, my friends bring me back to reality with something like ‘it’s because you don’t have kids yet’. I understand where they’re coming from. I might be a bit naïve, but kids or not, if you feel unmoved about your lifestyle, if you feel you lack a purpose,…then that’s simply what it is. That void can only be filled by whatever you need it to be filled by. You can’t intently add meaning to someone else’s life if your soul is missing a piece of itself.

What it really boils down to is that I feel useless. My loved ones are great and in good health. I enjoy my work and I’m progressing in that area. But…this can’t be it. I need a bigger meaning as to why I go through the motion every day, Monday to Sunday. It can’t be so I could earn a living, so I could travel, so I could volunteer once or twice a year and then call it a day. There’s got to be…something more.

Maybe I just need to start having kids and that’d keep me busy for the next 18 years. Or read Rick Warren’s The Purpose Driven Life.

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~ by omonaij on January 12, 2014.

One Response to “…this can’t be it”

  1. […] a feel good feeling you can’t go wrong with. Also, it’s like I said before in another post…this can’t be it—that’s why I […]

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